Dating is Like Murder...

"So what's the difference between dating casually and simply going out as friends?" she asked cautiously, before wanting to commit to a (stupidly obvious) "Yes" to an exhilarating night out with The Count.

This..... is a question that I have been asked by too many gals, too many times; and every time, I give the same consistent analogy. The difference between "just going out" and "dating casually" is like the difference between man-slaughter and murder: INTENTION. Just like how a person is charged with murder ONLY if he / she harboured the intention to kill; the difference between dating and going out lies in the intention behind the outing.

In this case, the intention would be exploration, to know the person better, to gain a deeper insight into his mind and his soul (and optionally body as well), to gauge the level of conversational chemistry; at its essence, the intention to explore the possibility of the potential, or the potential of the possibility (whichever sounds more right to you).

However, sadly, in our conservative society, the element of INTENTION tied to the word "date" is often held in too high a regard, leaving the young (or at least a fraction of which I know) placing a taboo on the word "date" until things are firmly set in stone. Guys often have balls a little too small to give them the necessary intestinal fortitude to admit that they are "dating" a gal until things are a little more "stable" and "official" (whatever these terms mean to them); anything else will simply be regarded as "going out." Over-grown pussies, is what I think of these "better-safe-than-sorry" fuckers, who need the security of acknowledgement before commiting to the admitance of interest or intention.

The gals are deserving of burning in conservative-hell as they often avoid the word "date" as if "dating" is an obligatory prelude to bearing a child for the guy that intends to date them. Somehow, for one reason or another, to "date" in Singapore, somehow implies a level of commitment, one that preludes the budding of a romantic relationship, it seems.

The atrocity of this misconception often garners me raised eyebrows of skepticism and alien stares when I attempt to introduce the term "Casual Dating." Perhaps the connotation of the word "casual" in "Casual Dating" implies the same negativity as the "casual" in "Casual Sex", to these closed-minded fools, leading to a wringing of eyebrows and the twisting of lips in when the phrase is mentioned.

But seriously, the concept of the word "casual" in both contexts are not that far off, and as standalone words, are not negative in their own rights. Thus, the essence of the negativity probably lies in the pairing of the word "casual" and its subsequent word. On its own, casual implies something not too serious, with little or no obligation, with virtually no level of commitment. And essentially, that is what Casual Dating is.

Casual Dating is going out with someone with the intention of exploration of the possibility of the potential for something more, but with no form of commitment or obligations involved. And I cannot see in what way would that actually be bad, negative, or give people the wrong impression or false hope of any sort in any way, especially if the intentions are clearly spelt out. I would think that the ambiguity of silence of intentions would lead to more harm, actually.

Going by this train of thought, I should also bring in the fact that going by these rules, there is nothing wrong to be casually dating different dates in the same time frame. I mean, does multiple intentions to explore multiple possibilities in the same time frame make one a Flirt or a Serial Dater (notice the Analogical Reference here again)?

Personally, I just think that it makes One a smart investor, the diversifying of one's resources (in this case, time) to consider all viable options before planting down your emotional capital on one that you are confident of; and there's hardly anything wrong with that. Moreover, if there is a transparency of the extent of the situation for all parties to know, then there should not be any liability towards wrong impressions for dating someone. So yes, Casual Dating does not make you a despicable flirt, or a loose bitch, contrary to the belief of conservative China-minds.

So for guys, the next time you wanna ask a chic out, don't be afraid to let your intentions be known, most gals would dig the honesty of the confidence in the expression (unless you look like Quasimodo or you continuously drool as you speak or something); just remember not to scare the gal off and make it sound too serious before you even get anywhere. And for gals, the next time someone (especially me) tries to "date" you, don't let your imagination run wild and think that the person (ESPECIALLY me) is taking a step towards asking for your hand for all eternity. Just open your mind, free your soul, and explore your options... Welcome to the real world.

***DISCLAIMER***

The above advice does NOT apply to people who are emotionally entangled in messes generally term as "relationships" and are for singles only, or at least for the most part.