The Shackles of Ideals

I'm an Idealist, have always been.

And the thing about Idealist is that they strive for the optimum, no matter how unrealistic this said optimum is, and regardless of the costs.

Economically, Idealists always make a loss. The dynamics of economics is that there is price and there is value. To the Idealist, the value of an Ideal is almost infinite, and so, the price, or the willingness to pay for that ideal, would be almost infinite as well.

Psychologically, Idealists should be a lot less susceptible to Cognitive Dissonance than many other types of people. Idealist above all else, tend to have a more defined definition of "happiness" compared to most other people, and are less willing to self-justify any seconds in life.

Practically, Idealists are simply not. Idealists have a sort of belief within them to attempt to merge the treads of their dreams with the plane of reality, and to live a life of purpose, passion and meaning, despite how unrealistic and unsound this merger may sound on paper.

And this, in itself, is the end goal of every Idealist: To live a life that they fully and whole-heartedly believe in.

Yet, not everyone with fulfilled dreams is an Idealists.

In my opinion, there is the Idealist and the faux Idealist. The main difference lies not in the dreams that they strive for, but rather the costs at which they are willing to pay in order to obtain them.

Ideals being ideals, are supposedly impractical, unrealistic and visionary. And in a world shaped by conventions and circumstance, it is only natural that the achievement of such ideals come with a price: time, patience, effort, labour and most ironically, happiness.

Considering that "'happiness" is what the Idealist truly seeks at the end of the journey, being able to live a life of true happiness with the merger of dreams and reality, it is somewhat ironic that happiness is something that an Idealist would be required to sacrifice in exchange for the attainment of his / her ideals. Yet, the true Idealist is one who is willing to make such a costly sacrifice in exchange for an eventual fulfillment.

On the other hand, the faux Idealists are people who attain their dreams with little or no major sacrifices necessary. Some of which have it handed to them on a silver platter through a case of good fortune, to get a straight road to the fulfillment of an ideal.

Yet, to the faux Idealist, no matter how much they say that they "love" something, it will never be as justifiable or as convincing as that of a true Idealists, who has lived his / her life striving for, going through numerous pains and sacrifices, before finally attaining it.

Being an Idealist is extremely tiring, and sometimes the very happiness and fulfillment that you strive for, are the very same things that causes you so much heartache and misery. When you feel that circumstances do not allow you to make any progress towards your goal, when you see someone of lesser capability, experience and most importantly, desire, get something that you want so badly and have strived so hard towards getting it; it is extremely difficult not to feel indignant and frustrated over it. And it would be a lie to say that I have not felt such emotions and questioned the costs of my ideals every so often.

In all honesty, I've come closer to giving up on a 20-year passion and a 10-year ideal in these few months more than ever. Misunderstandings, politics, rejections and of course, circumstances (what else is new?) has left me with a whirlwind inside my head and a shadow of doubt in my heart, as I struggle to justify my sacrifices and quench the unhappiness that my ironic strive for happiness has brought me over the last 1.5 years.

Yet, despite all these, at the brink of giving up, I can't help but still feel Shackled to my Ideals, wanting to hold out a little more, wanting to try something else, wanting to give it one more shot; knowing that I would deeply regret it if I were to walk away from it now.

At the end of the day, I somehow still manage to muster out this to myself: Not everyone can afford to be an Idealist; many others are forced to become otherwise in the wake of circumstances and obligations. The very fact that I can afford to even strive for my ideals, is probably already a privilege in itself.

I dare not believe that I will be able to fulfill my dreams eventually, with my pessimistic mind these days, but I do know that sacrifice is an essential part to the fulfillment to these ideals.

Sigh. Perhaps I'm meant to be an Idealist my whole life, perhaps...

Was it Nothing more than Noise Inside my Head...