Spur

The "3" was obviously missing and that made a whole lot of difference.

Suddenly, all that I propragated evaporated before my very eyes when I realised that I had been imagining the "3" all this while.

Paradigm shift. 

The difference between "31" and "1" made an extremely big difference. Checking and double-checking made me realise that it was now or never.

Hesitantly, I made the booking, knowing that I only had 4 days to plan my itinery. Day after day since then, I woke up with second thoughts, wondering if I made the right choice, wondering if I should go ahead with it, wondering if I should be putting the money to refurnishing my room, or finally landing the PS3 (especially when it is just inches within my reach financially, after 2.5 years).

Is it worth it to exit my comfort zone, to be thrown into the midst of adventure once again, navigating a foreign land and hardly speaking the foreign language? Perhaps it is a little too soon, perhaps I don't need it; but yet, to pass on the chance to return to the beautiful Land of the Rising Sun to garner new sights and accumulate new experiences on a free ticket provides an all-too-tempting counter-argument.

And so, here I am, 4 hours away from my second trip to Japan in 2 months, with fragments of the previous holiday still deeply etched into my memory, and yet, going for another vacation that, some would argue, I don't actually need.

Anxiety almost suffocating me as I attempt to grasp the uncertainty and unfamiliarity that I am about to put myself in again.

Was it too rushed? Where will I stay? Will I manage alone? What will go wrong this time?

Thoughts upon thoughts flood my head as I sit here thinking, playing out the worrying scenarios in my head, and yet, ambivalently, feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation to the adventure that awaits.

"Free-spirited" is a word that I like to be associated with. Images of me picturing myself travelling on my own with a backpack to unknown and unfamiliar destinations in my own time have been haunting my dreams and thoughts since I was 10 years younger.

"One day, one day," were the words I told myself then, but with time, that "one day" only grew further and further away, growing fainter and fainter, as school, work and the busy schedules slowly engulfed it.

And now, by a stroke a (mis)fortune and circumstance, here I am at the brink of rekindling a forgotten thought, to live a forgotten dream - if only for a week.

Deep Breath.

- Leap of Faith -